similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
