i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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