Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
