Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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