he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
