So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Randomize
