dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
