Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
