I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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