I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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