I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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