i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
