If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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