If i come over, it means nothing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When are your genitals available?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
