i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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