Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
