Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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