my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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