Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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