meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
