How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
