my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
