oh god the rape fog is back!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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