I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
