just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
