so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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