OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
