woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
