if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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