So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
