Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were destined to go to rehab together
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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