yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
