make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
