if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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