I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
