shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
