I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
