I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
