Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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