he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
