mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
