I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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