actually, I'm a sock model
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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