What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize