Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
