I'm drive I can fine osifer
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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