Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
