I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
