I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
