How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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