What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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